Joy
"We need joy as we need air. We need love as we need water. We need each other as we need the earth we share."
—Maya Angelou
Last year I turned 50. I told my spiritual director that I wanted to have fun, but I didn't know how. She suggested I enlist a friend who knows how to have fun.
I knew immediately: my friend Amy.
We planned a dinner with all my favorite people from different parts of my life. Amy booked a night of dancing, complete with a tiara for me to wear. The excitement was building.
And then we both lost our jobs less than a week before my birthday.
I asked Amy if we should still have the party. She said, "Absolutely!"
We chose joy. She showed me how to choose joy in the midst of a vulnerable time. I put on heels, wore my tiara, and danced with my best friends, my husband, and my daughter. I celebrated every single experience of my 50 years. And it kindled hope and tangible healing in this vulnerable world.
I'm not naturally wired for fun. My default is stress, work, push through. So I have to lean on others—to trust them and learn from them—how to choose joy, downtime, and rest. I need my community to teach me this.
Choosing joy remains a growing edge for me. This year it has meant walking around barefoot more often than not—I work at a retreat center, after all. It's getting up from my desk to walk in the woods. It's slowing down to have a long talk with a guest who stops by my office rather than marking another thing off my to-do list.
Joy is often taught to us by others. It's learned in community. And sometimes, when community isn't available, we can practice it on our own.
A Practice for Joy
I find that joy is an embodied feeling. When it comes upon you spontaneously, you wave your arms, clap your hands, do a happy dance, or hug whoever's in front of you. But some days we just don't feel it.
I learned a practice in my yoga training that can help on those days. It's called Breath of Joy.
Stand if you're able, hands by your sides. You'll swing your arms up three times, then fold forward with hands reaching toward the ground.
Swing arms out in front of you as you inhale.
Swing arms out to the sides like a "T" as you inhale again.
Swing arms up and overhead as you inhale a third time.
With a loud exhale, fold forward, dropping your head and arms toward the ground.
Stand and repeat five times.
Even as I type these instructions, a smile comes to my face. I hope you feel vigor and joy as you move your body with big, unapologetic movements. As energy fills you and tension releases, know that joy is available to you.
My hope is that you have a friend like Amy and a community of dancers like you need. But when that isn't available, you can come back to this practice and make a little joy right where you are.
