Creating a Culture of Affirmation
For those of you who follow St. Mary’s Sewanee, you know that we strive to trust in abundance and to let that abundance transform us as individuals and as a community.
The two key ingredients for us as a staff are transparency and affirmation. With as much care and integrity as we have on any given day, we name what we need, ask for help, and express our frustrations and exhaustion. And, as regularly as we can, we affirm one another. We start our weekly staff meetings by going around the circle and naming the ways we have supported one another, supported guests, and leaders, and the ways they have supported us.
This culture of affirmation is blossoming among St. Mary’s leadership. During one annual in-person board meeting, over half of our board members arrived the night before to eat together, chat, find common connections, and relax in the beauty and stillness of the natural world here.
The next morning, we gathered in the Fireplace Room, lit a candle at the center of our meeting, and began our own practice of affirmation.
Dr. Robbie Pinter led a storytelling practice that invited each board member to tell their personal story of invitation, arrival, and transformation at St. Mary's Sewanee. Robbie began with her own first visit, and we continued around the circle, jumping back and forth across decades.
Some had retreated here.
Some had led here.
Some came uncertain what they were even walking into.
Some first stepped onto this campus in their twenties. Some found us later in life.
The stories were personal and profound. They were vulnerable and inspiring. They explained the deep commitment that brings each person back. They invoked laughter and tears. And when we had finished giving full attention to each person around the circle, we named the values that bind us and keep us coming back:
Service
An invisible shield of protection
Transformation
Invitation
Experience that leads to giving
Connection to God and to others
Devotion
Deeply personal stories
Gratitude
In experimenting with new practices, as both staff and board, we discovered something powerful: the practice of storytelling and affirmation doesn't diminish our efficiency; it deepens our clarity.
We know why we're here. We know each other. We're not just serving a mission; we're living one together.
Scott Anderson's story helped fill in crucial pieces of the St. Mary's Sewanee story for me and deepened my appreciation for why our organization's name includes "The Ayres Center for Spiritual Development."
Scott shared the following with the group:
"Bob Ayres was my friend and mentor for nearly 40 years. From him, I gained appreciation for servant leadership and the importance of philanthropy. It was from Bob that I truly learned the secret of joyful giving. He also shared with me his hope for St. Mary's Sewanee as a sacred space offering spiritual formation and peace. After his passing in 2018, I joined the board at St. Mary's Sewanee and continue to financially support it as a commitment to his vision for that sacred space."
What I have witnessed in my short time here is Scott's unwavering devotion to honoring Bob Ayres' vision. He has explored every option, investigated every strategy, engaged leaders and partners in conversation and solutions. He has done so with prayer, integrity, and passion, singularly focused on what he knew Bob Ayres would want for this thin place and sacred land—as a sustainable nonprofit, well-stewarded and responsible.
I would have to ask Scott and the people who knew Bob Ayres best, but I hope he would be proud of our practice together, of the values we named and affirmed last month, and the Spirit of abundance that is alive and blossoming here, now.
PRACTICE: Affirm and Listen
When we affirm each other and listen to each other's stories, we understand ourselves and each other more deeply. We see what binds us. We recognize the Spirit moving through the choices and journeys that have shaped us.
This month, we invite you to try this practice:
1. Think of someone whose life you admire. Choose someone you know, or perhaps someone you've been observing from afar. Someone whose way of living, their integrity, their kindness, or their courage has moved you.
2. Tell them. Be specific. "I admire the way you ... because it shows me ..." or "I've noticed how you live with ... and it inspires me ..."
3. Then ask them: "What story has helped you become the person you are? What journey or experience shaped the way you live?"
4. Listen without interruption. Don't fix, advise, or relate. Just receive their story with open attention. Notice how their past illuminates their present. Notice how they've been shaped by love, loss, faith, struggle, joy, or grace. Notice what emerges when we truly see someone, both their goodness and the story behind it. Notice how affirmation and understanding deepen together.
This is the practice that has been shaping the leadership and staff at St. Mary’s Sewanee: The Ayres Center for Spiritual Development. This is the practice that deepens clarity and a sense of belonging. This is the practice we invite you into this month.
